First of all, if you aren't up to read a wall of text, close this tab and never speak to me again. I have real friends who will gladly read it all.
That being said, I'll proceed:This is it. I'm done. The end of the line. I can't hold myself anymore. I couldn't sleep lately just because I didn't know what would I say. Here it is. The time has come. I'm leaving.
Why? There's a lot to begin with. I'm one person who lives in the past. I like old school rock and over-ten-years-old TV series. Being who I am I can't do a thing against my feeling about the current state of the gang. So much coldness, so much hatred, so much need for rules, so little time for entertainment. I remember when we were less than ten members (I have a shitty memory, yet I remember it clearly). How much fun we used to have driving around a town we have already explored so much yet we found everything so... fun. The races, the parties in Jizzy's, flying around or defending Las Venturas' 7-11. I won't lie, we had troubles even back then, but we either solved them or don't mind them at all, we didn't make a drama about it. I shared so much great experiences with so many people I don't see in years and most of them left because, in my honest opinion, they've learned something before me: When to move on. It may sound stupid but it's truly something I haven't learned yet, until now that is.
It seemed simple, if it isn't funny anymore, you leave. I saw the changes but I denied myself to think about leaving because I cared so much about the gang (and I still sort of do) and it slowly was killing me. I can't take it anymore, and before trying to bring up some mutated version of fun every month or so when we used to do it every day I prefer stopping it at all. Why would we do it if everybody else is busy and focused on something else? This "something else" is the only thing that matters now for every active member and, in my most deeply honest and heart-open believe, is the responsible of leading the gang into it's tragic yet unavoidable doom. Think whatever you think, say whatever you say, let me get this clear: I DON'T CARE, BECAUSE IT'S THE TRUTH, and the remaining of the old members can see it clearly. You know it as well as I do, stop trying to deny it. This particular something had corrupted our group and our members and I hope you can see it too (even tough it's too late to change anything at all). Effectively, I'm talking about the deathmatch. The fact that we cared so little about killing or dying (except when we combated hackers or bug abusers) is what kept our group so little yet so filled with nice, willing to have fun people. Watching that turn into what it's now is something I'll never forgive myself. It left me in real bad shape, the original group has always been an special part of me, one of the curses of being an old member.
If something ever kept me from departing it had to be my friends. Their constant support and help always kept me going, but when even they start to leave, for a reason or another, it can only mean there's something seriously wrong around here. Take my depart as that, an alarm before the impact.
Most of the people I used to know is gone, and you can't blame Hellboy Party Server's closure as one of the reasons (it being our only official freeroam server who stood still for more than a fucking month) because since the 0.3d version it started aiming in a different direction. You know where. It was turning from a freeroam server into a half-assed, kill-for-points piece of shit. We don't even have our own freeroam anymore! Why should we care about it anyways, nobody does.
And you can say whatever you want to say about the FreeRoam vs. DeathMatch war but I can easily answer I did my best to stop it and share the gang equally but the opposite side was either too greedy or to idiotic to even try. You don't like my opinion? Fuck you, you bunch of stupid motherfuckers know it's true. Always commenting how skills are everything and that we shouldn't accept people without a purpose, you fuckers are killing the gang (if you didn't already). I'm sorry if I'm hurting people who cares the tiniest bit about me (yeah, those two or three guys) but I lost my temper. I'm sick and tired of fighting a lot cause. You want a fully deathmatch gang? Fine! Whatever! I'm sick of this shit, be my fucking guests, do whatever you want, the boat is already sinking anyways.
I would like to say goodbye to every friend I ever had here but either they are gone, I'll forget someone I care about or I'll remember someone I don't so I'll say straight away: Khalid, Shadowlance, Bluebaron, Troy and Karim, you guys are the shit. You're the best I take from this gang. Thank you for accepting me as I am and befriending me in my worst moment. You guys know where to find me, not Facebook, not Xfire. Steam or Youtube.
It's been fun, mostly.
P.S. 1: The banner's psd will be sent to Khalid in case anyone else feels like keep it going.
P.S. 2: You always talk about how much I gave for this gang, but the lack of caring about the stuff I did for you or posted about is sickening. The only thing I did that was used for over a fucking week around here is the KHK forums banners.
P.S. 3: Fuck [Killer Hawks Klan], [KHalid Karim] for life.
Antumarin out.